farewell grandpa.
go in peace.
i'm all grown up.
22 October 2006
2am: youtubing. watching anime.
3 30am: watch naruto episode 205. chatting on the phone with jarrod.
3 45am: mother and i rushed to the hospital. drove into the wrong lane. almost crashed into incoming vehicles.
4am: arrived at raffles hospital. my youngest uncle was there holding grandpa's hands, weeping. saliva piled up in grandpa's mouth. nurse came in. she said,'ah ahh'. my uncle, 'AH WHAT LAH FUCK'. the nurse turned around and replied, 'he's biting onto my finger.' it was painful watching him suffer.
4 15am: relatives arrived. weeping non-stop. told myself NOT to cry. grandpa was breathing hard. every breathe he took was pain to watch. my grandmother arrived. she cried out his name. saying why leave her behind. why go so early. i broke down.
4 20am: breathing slowed down tremendously. aunties started to moan. everyone was in tears. i teared silently in one corner. watching my grandpa breathe slower and slower.
4 30am: pronouced dead.
at the same time, my fourth aunt arrived.
'he just left'
she closed her eyes and screamed.
second aunt knelt down and moaned.
everyone cried. it was overwhelming.
many left the room.
i stood at that corner.
i dont want him to go!
MOVE! GONGGONG! MOVE!
i kept crying.
but silently to myself.
took the lift down to the sixth floor.
an empty carpark.
i let it all out.
cried my heart out.
thought of how he used to bring me home from school when i was in the kindergarden.
he'd carry me on his shouders.
bring me for ice cream treats.
i was so close to him.
till secondary school days.
i dread sundays. dread going gramp's.
fuck me.
later in the morning,
everyone was busy.
preparing for the funeral.
our eyes were red and sore.
we were both mentally and physically drained.
the ritual proceeded in the afternoon.
whenever grandma and fourth aunt cry, it really saddens us.
it's hard not to cry in that atmosphere.
many things went through my head.
how is life gonna be without grandpa?
how will grandma cope alone?
grandma is already suffering from diabetes and depression.
what will happen to her?
fuck life.
fuck this.
fuck God.
oh i mean, fuck god.
it's too much for me to take.
for anyone to take.
yeah, what's gone is already gone.
i'm worried for grandma.
i'll miss grandpa.
i'll miss him so much.
ARGH i'll miss him!
go in peace.
i'm all grown up.
22 October 2006
2am: youtubing. watching anime.
3 30am: watch naruto episode 205. chatting on the phone with jarrod.
3 45am: mother and i rushed to the hospital. drove into the wrong lane. almost crashed into incoming vehicles.
4am: arrived at raffles hospital. my youngest uncle was there holding grandpa's hands, weeping. saliva piled up in grandpa's mouth. nurse came in. she said,'ah ahh'. my uncle, 'AH WHAT LAH FUCK'. the nurse turned around and replied, 'he's biting onto my finger.' it was painful watching him suffer.
4 15am: relatives arrived. weeping non-stop. told myself NOT to cry. grandpa was breathing hard. every breathe he took was pain to watch. my grandmother arrived. she cried out his name. saying why leave her behind. why go so early. i broke down.
4 20am: breathing slowed down tremendously. aunties started to moan. everyone was in tears. i teared silently in one corner. watching my grandpa breathe slower and slower.
4 30am: pronouced dead.
at the same time, my fourth aunt arrived.
'he just left'
she closed her eyes and screamed.
second aunt knelt down and moaned.
everyone cried. it was overwhelming.
many left the room.
i stood at that corner.
i dont want him to go!
MOVE! GONGGONG! MOVE!
i kept crying.
but silently to myself.
took the lift down to the sixth floor.
an empty carpark.
i let it all out.
cried my heart out.
thought of how he used to bring me home from school when i was in the kindergarden.
he'd carry me on his shouders.
bring me for ice cream treats.
i was so close to him.
till secondary school days.
i dread sundays. dread going gramp's.
fuck me.
later in the morning,
everyone was busy.
preparing for the funeral.
our eyes were red and sore.
we were both mentally and physically drained.
the ritual proceeded in the afternoon.
whenever grandma and fourth aunt cry, it really saddens us.
it's hard not to cry in that atmosphere.
many things went through my head.
how is life gonna be without grandpa?
how will grandma cope alone?
grandma is already suffering from diabetes and depression.
what will happen to her?
fuck life.
fuck this.
fuck God.
oh i mean, fuck god.
it's too much for me to take.
for anyone to take.
yeah, what's gone is already gone.
i'm worried for grandma.
i'll miss grandpa.
i'll miss him so much.
ARGH i'll miss him!
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